February 19, 2012: Five Blessings

Wow! What an amazing week! God provides, and our friends are just amazing, and it’s affordable, and…okay, I better slow down and give some details. Lemme ‘splain about our most recent 5 blessings.

First blessing from God: When we first bought our A-frame, our very wise realtor, Chris Martin from Coldwell Banker, had the sellers purchase a 1-yr home warranty, that said if anything that came with the house, had passed inspection, and was working when we moved in, broke in the first year, they would replace it at minimal costs to us. Our HVAC unit (heat and air) was old, and we weren’t entirely sure it worked properly as we began to leave the hot summer and find cooler air. My wife’s instinct told her something was wrong. I couldn’t tell what, and the first repairman from the home warranty company couldn’t find much, either. But we prayed that if it was going to break or wear out, that God would smite it before the warranty was up.

It got worse after the first “repair”, and finally began making such loud intermittent noise that we couldn’t sleep on that side of the house. But since that side had all the bedrooms, we began running out of couches. After calling the home warranty company again, the repairmen took the whole thing apart and discovered a ton of problems. They told us the whole thing would have to be replaced, and all we had to pay was $300 for some parts not covered by the warranty. Huzzah! A new HVAC unit for less a tenth of what it would cost us to replace it ourselves, plus labor. God is so good. We had 1 month left on the warranty.

Next blessing from God: Our upstairs toilet began leaking into our kitchen cabinets several weeks ago (“Save the COFFEE!”), so we called our plumber friends for advice, and they said to replace the gasket and wax seal on the toilet, so I (James) gave it a go. I had done this once before on the downstairs toilet, so figured I knew what to do.  Well, I almost did.

In retrospect, using a jigsaw to cut PVC pipe already glued in place wasn’t the best plan. I left jagged edges, several of which were so low, water continued to leak after I made the repairs. Also, I will always remember to arrange the gasket so the toilet, after bolting, is flush with the wall, and not cockeyed like I did on this one. My gracious wife made the best of it all, still cooking delicious food without part of her kitchen. And our kids took turns using the one working bathroom without killing each other.

So after I finished, the leaks waited a few days, and then came back, worse than before, so we invited our plumber friend Aaron Davis and his family to our house and fed them lunch so he would help us with the leak. We redid the whole repair job, but with a nifty professional plumber tool that cut the pipe neatly, and now we have no leaks. We even had extra pipe ready-to-hand from rerouting the dryer hose weeks ago. I broke the blade on the jigsaw with that one, and then found out my reciprocating saw was a better tool. Oh, well; you learn from mistakes. God is good, my wife never said “See? You shouldn’t even try,” and all it cost was a few dollars for parts and a half-dozen duck eggs we gave them for their trouble. Plus we got to spend a day with good friends we hadn’t see in a while.

Third blessing from God: Thermal Windows of Tulsa is going to replace our old, single pane aluminum windows in all the bedrooms. And we can afford it! We weren’t sure after hearing the first few estimates, but after checking out several companies, we decided we could afford what Thermal Windows offered, and it would significantly reduce our electric bill and noise from outside. The new windows should be in before Spring is over.

Fourth Blessing: Our six ducks, a gift from our friends, Larry and Vicki Shead of Kansas, have continued to lay 3-4 eggs a day since January, providing us with a cheap source of protein and lots of learning. We have learned a little about animals mating, every parent’s FAVORITE thing to explain to their five-year old, feeding and watering every day means every day, and animals leaving their poop everywhere. We also learned that ducks are relatively low maintenance compared to chickens, who seem to need help remembering not to drown in a rainstorm. Seriously…they drown.

Fifth blessing: Okay, this one we had to hire out because my wife refuses to let me haul a chainsaw up a 50-ft pecan tree. I am not objecting. We have many large pecan trees, and some of them had large branches reaching way out over our nearly-new roof. With the memories of recent ice-storm disasters in our minds, we agreed with our wise realtor, and decided to get them professional trimmmed. Preaus Landscape of Tulsa did the hard work in single day, gave us a discount, and still finished in less time for less money than their original estimate. We like the Preaus family and got to know them from James teaching 3 of their 4 children at school.

All this to say that we love our home, our improvements came just when we needed them and God provided for all of them, and we have made some great friends in the process. This next week, James plans to redo a repair job he did taping insulation to ductwork – but this time, he has tape that will stick (we hope). We also plan to use high-school students to help build raised garden beds. We’ll let you know how that turns out in our next post, and remember that God is good…all the time.

James and Amy Thorpe

 

Posted in A-frame in a flood plain: homesteading in unusual circumstances | Leave a comment

A-frame in a flood plain: homesteading in unusual circumstances

We have a weird house. It’s in an unusual place. We do odd things to it. Good thing we are a little strange, too. Lemme ‘splain.

Our house is an A-frame, which means the slanted roof is so long it makes up two of the walls of the house. This makes arranging furniture against the wall something of a challenge in some rooms. Hanging pictures also requires more advance planning than a regular house. It means we have potential storage space in the walls, but only below waist-height. It means we have to lean as we go up the stairs because you can hit your head on the wall/ceiling when you turn at the landing between the 1st/2nd floor and the 2nd/3rd floor.

Ordinarily, an A-frame roof reaches all the way to the ground, but our house sits between two creeks in a flood plain, so our basement sits up above the ground so it won’t flood as much. Can we even call it a basement? The two living floors of the house sit on top of it, so we have actually three stories, but one is a basement and we only live in two of them.

So we have a A-frame, but not a normal one; we have a basement, but it’s above ground…totally. Our front door is on the second floor, and our cars won’t fit through the door of our basement/garage. Are you mixed up yet? We were for a while, too.

Thankfully, we know what to do with our house and our land. God granted us a house full of dreams and potential, and we keep getting ideas about every week of something else we can do to make the house and land even better for God’s purposes. This blog will chronicle events, projects, ideas, and directions that God gives and we do to our lovely, strange, bizarre, perfect-for-us A-frame in a flood plain.

“The goal of homesteading is to live deep and not wide”, to quote George Nash. It means depending upon industrial processing less, and doing as much as you can for yourself. It means recycling/reducing/reusing to the max. It means you go to church more often than you go to the store. Okay, that last one is our own version of homesteading, but you get the point. We try to make what we need instead of buying it ready-made, reuse and repurpose what would ordinarily be thrown away, and learn how to do things ourselves with help from others, rather than hire it out. The goal is to be a semi-independent homestead, able to be nearly self-sufficient within a community. Of course, you have to have the right schedule, the right equipment, the right skills, and the right help to pull this off. We are trying to get there in stages, and this blog will tell our story. We hope it’s good reading.

Now, we don’t do this for the reasons many have advocated: going back-to-land, shrinking our carbon-footprint, barricading ourselves against the end of the world, and so on. We don’t have an axe to grind. We used to live in a middle-class suburban neighborhood, and no one would have thought we were planning to leave it all.

But God put a dream in our hearts to live away from the city, away from pop culture and worldliness, and close the natural world, in a home that would offer peace and refreshment to others. Plus, we just really like homegrown food, and we get a lot of satisfaction living this way. We hope you will be able to glean ways to find the same satisfaction in God and not in the world.

James and Amy Thorpe, February 2012

 

Posted in A-frame in a flood plain: homesteading in unusual circumstances | 2 Comments

Help for enduring, believing, hoping all things

In our 12 wonderful years of marriage, we have been blessed with sound Biblical teaching every time we needed it. And did we need it! Wow; it’s amazing how much you can learn, no matter how much you know (or think you know). Here are the most important influences in our marriage as it grew and continues to grow:

Parents: Sometimes you wish you could change things about your in laws, but our parents celebrated their 39th(Jerry and Charlene) and 37th(Sam and Chrissy)  anniversaries in 2011, and that says a lot. My wife and I always knew you just didn’t get to give up on your spouse, no matter what. We came into marriage with that attitude, and it has made all the difference. Plus, they continue to support our marriage and have developed healthy relationships with me and my wife, which makes our commitment even stronger. Great thanks to all four of you for sticking it out.

Friends: Couples our age who have been through the same battles we face, and haven’t given up are a source of encouragement(Jeff and Wendy, Drs. Nick and Christy, Jay and Amanda). Couples a few years beyond us who have faced new challenges, and found joy and satisfaction in spite of hardships help us believe in ourselves and remember to enjoy the seasons of life (thanks Dwayne and Dee). We draw particular inspiration from friends remarried who are determined to work it out and never give up (Aaron and Leah, Daniel and Betsy, you guys rock!). We also remember those friends who got married when we did, and divorced before getting where we are. We know we are not invincible and we have an enemy who hates a good marriage, and that keeps us alert. We don’t take our success for granted or for our own credit.

Church: We have been blessed to attend several churches in our marriage, and all of them have loudly championed marriage under God from a realistic and hopeful perspective. Marriages have always been celebrated, fought for, supported, and worked through in every body of believers in Christ we have seen. And we need it. We need the accountability, the vulnerability, and the examples that other marriages in the Church provide. You can’t do this alone. Your own strength, perspective, experience, and will are not enough. You need other people in your married life.

Books: Wow, where to start? Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by Dr. John Gray, was a good general awareness book for me, especially about emotions and communication.  The Act of Marriage, by Tim LaHaye, should be read by every engaged man days before his wedding. Reforming Marriage, by Douglas Wilson, frees the wife and empowers the man to lead. Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge, explains so much of why fairy tales and the Bible are the best pictures of man and woman. And it invites men to be men. Love and War, also by Eldridge, draws marriage deeper into the spiritual battles and triumphs of a marriage, with lots of practical tools and examples. Men are like Waffles, Woman are like Spaghetti, by Bill and Pam Farrel, explains even more about the sometimes frustrating-for-no-good-reason dynamics of married life. The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, helps your efforts to love your spouse be more effective and understood. Without these books in particular, we would not love each other as willingly nor understand our marriage as clearly. Proverbs 4:7 – “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Your marriage will change over time, and the uninformed will be unprepared, as our enemy desires.

Marriage Conferences: Nearly any large gathering of couples trying to improve and strengthen their marriages has to be a good thing. These are also great places to find books, movies, and other materials to maintain the momentum when you return home to reality.

Dates, Vacations, and Getaways: You need these. Life takes a lot out of you, and you must learn how to recharge together. You need stories to tell, memories to recall, funny and touching things that only the two of you share. These help you remember why you married them, and show you how much you and they have changed for the better. You must continue practicing the pursuit of each other. And your kids need to be around other adults…so they can appreciate you more. :)

Movies: If you haven’t seen Fireproof or Courageous in theaters, go rent them. They  show examples of good marriages founded on Christ living in our world that Hollywood knows nothing about. It’s not about happily-ever-single-with-no-commitment, it’s about happily-only-after-the-wedding, and the adventures don’t stop there.

Our marriage is a direct reflection of the many people who have poured their knowledge and effort into us. We benefit from their work, their mistakes, their perspective, and their kindness in sharing with us. Thank you, God, for these, your faithful servants, and thanks to all of you who shared God’s plan for marriage with us.

We highly recommend marriage to all our single friends.

Posted in Loving | 6 Comments

Follow the King to freedom

Dr. Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. is rolling over in his grave. After God Himself, Dr. King seems one of the most often misquoted, misunderstood, and misapplied men of faith in the United States. Consider:

To celebrate his legacy, a parade was held in a major city under the theme of “All Races, All Genders, All Religions…” etc. Now Dr. King did believe in equality under the law, but that’s very different from uniformity or universal tolerance. Dr. King was not a gay-rights advocate, nor did he advocate any religion outside of Christianity. Let’s examine his “I have a dream” speech:

“I have a dream…that one day…all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics…will sing…’Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!’ ” These excerpts do not point to universalism, Hinduism, dualism, Islam, or any other religious distinction outside of those who follow Jesus. And Dr. King wasn’t a feminist; neither was his wife. Where did the parade organizers get the phrase ‘all religions’ and ‘all genders’ unless they have an agenda?

The truth matters. Dr. King stood for equality of legal and political opportunity and the protection of rights. He did not stand for letting everyone do what they like and calling it fine. He did not stand for the removal of moral standards or the sentiment “why can’t we all just get along”. He advocated character above all else as the standard of evaluation for an individual, character as measured by God’s word, not human relativism. He stood for absolute truth, for discrimination. Yes, I said it. Dr. Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. based the standards of his life on discrimination.

He knew no one could live by all perspectives, so he chose one – he chose to believe in God and follow the Bible. He had to discriminate against other possible worldviews and reject their assertions of truth completely in order to follow Christ.

He also discriminated against various methods of protest and political change. While some advocated violence, he believed in suffering rather than inflicting suffering. Some advocated reverse discrimination, and still do using his name and reputation; Dr. King’s speech does not favor “Black Power” or any other group having oppressive power over another. He was against slavery in every form, no matter the master. Where was this message in the parade? Oh, yeah, it won’t sell. Somehow, I don’t think the good doctor would be impressed. Some of his followers have misinterpreted, misapplied, and misused his message to bring about the opposite of what he intended…sort of like Jesus and some of His followers.

The Bible says that God is not mocked; we will reap what we sow. We cannot be hypocrites, for Christ or Dr. King, without serious consequences. The truth sets us free; twisting the truth makes us prisoners, and we know where Christ and Dr. King stand on that one. See Isaiah 61:1-3 and the “I have a dream” speech. Read what they actually said. You might get freed.

 

Posted in Living | 1 Comment

Even my wind and sea

In the Gospels, Jesus awakes from sleep to rescue his disciples by calming a violent storm with a few words: “Peace! Be still.” His disciples, awestruck, ask “Who is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?”

The wind and the sea have often been described in feminine terms. Positively speaking, these two elements reflect the graceful undulations of the female form, her ability to gently caress, the calming, soothing quality of the mother’s voice, and the playfulness, deep beauty, and mystery of a woman.

Negatively, both elements reflect the sudden, sometimes violent changes in women’s emotions, the destructive power of an angry woman, the complex and sometimes confused insides of a woman’s mind, and her rebellious, insubordinate, uncontrollable side.

Now, if the God of all Creation can calm a storm of wind and water with words, what effect can His words have on the emotional storms that plague us all, particularly women? Can all the loneliness, despair, guilt, fear, doubt, worry, self-loathing, depression, anxiety and self-destruction that all women endure be calmed by the words of the Master of wind and sea? Just imagine His voice: strong, authoritative, calm, confident, full of love and mercy…

“Come unto Me, all you that labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

“Cast your cares upon Me, for I care for you.”

“I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

“Nothing can separate you from my love.”

“I will supply all your needs according to My riches and glory.”

“Trust Me with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding. Acknowledge Me in all your ways, and I will direct your paths. ”

All women, and all the men and children who love them, can join the awe of the disciples, saying:

“Who is this, that even the wind and the sea obey HIM?”

Even my wind and sea…

Posted in Living | Leave a comment

Power of the Dark Side

Among my Christian brothers and sisters, I have noticed a disturbing trend. Christians seem to be very juvenile and immature in our methods of handling conflict, especially with each other. I’m talking about churches, Christian schools, and other explicitly Christian organizations in which we display blatant anti-Christian behavior when people don’t behave as we expect. We take the Holy Spirit’s role as convictor because God isn’t acting quickly enough for our tastes. Here are some popular attempted solutions:

First, we try to gently correct in love…we say to ourselves, while we actually condescend, trying to make the other person in our image instead of learning God’s purposes for them in the organization, and in our own lives.

Next, we ignore them, or try to hide them away where they can’t be a public relations headache, and make sure the “important” patrons don’t go their way.

If we feel too threatened, we might find an excuse to fire them, persecute them, or exclude them. If not this brave, we might just speak ill of them when in conversation with others, planting seeds of discord that grow into resentment.

Above all, we don’t go to the person to learn their story, and we don’t put ourselves in conflict’s way. Oh, no, we don’t fight…and we don’t say we’re sorry for what we do instead. We accuse, we stew, we complain, and we whine, and then we manipulate, cause suffering, and avoid responsibility. God is not pleased.

Now, I have to say that I am as guilty of these things as anybody. I have witnessed myself, my family, and my friends suffer betrayal, dishonesty and deception, exclusion, and condescension at the hands of their Christian friends, family, and coworkers. I have also witnessed myself, my family, and my friends commit the same sins toward others. How grieved God’s heart must be.

But fear not, true believers: there is hope.

We must place God’s approval higher on our priority list than the approval of men, even financially supportive men. At its root, the fear of offending patrons is rooted in a lack of faith in God’s promise to provide. We believe that if the human source of provision packs up and leaves, offended and frustrated, that God can’t or won’t provide a replacement source of provision.

Fear is also at the root of our pathetic passive-aggression when faced with potential conflict with a colleague or fellow-believer. We seem to value the shallow pleasantries of casual relationships over the messy, ugly, difficult, beautiful authenticity of doing life together. If we really valued an authentic Christ-centered community, we would call each other out when we observe a behavior uncharacteristic of Christ. If we do what Christ did, and speak the truth in love, we have nothing to fear.

Even with fears, we can still follow Christ’s example by honestly admitting our fears to ourselves and then making decisions based on God’s word. Our decisions should be led by the Spirit, not by the flesh’s feelings, wants, insecurities, and fears. When we wrong, we ask for forgiveness. When others wrong, we forgive. We must be prepared to do both on a regular basis. We must ask, seeking the truth, not accuse and assume we already know all we need to know. We msut allow ourselves to be corrected before we seek to correct others. Christ Himself came to serve, not to be served. Christ is calling us…out.

Posted in Living | Leave a comment

Rhythm of Life

Recently, I spent some time in Colorado’s eastern mountains, some of the 14ers. The view was amazing. I also spent some time on Turkey Mountain, a local mountain-biking and hiking mound on the west side of the Arkansas River here in Tulsa, OK. Sitting high above the objects moving at the speed of life gives me a perspective on time, rhythm, and lifestyle that I lose so easily when I go back down to living altitudes. I think most people lose it there, and forget that such a perspective even exists. Lemme ‘splain.

Day-to-day activities tend to be urgent, in the sense that they must be done by a certain time to be effective: brushing teeth, folding laundry, changing oil, picking up the kids, etc. The American middle class lifestyle of the world has many more urgent tasks that make us feel so busy: checking email, charging batteries, updating our status and software, and checking out the latest…whatever is new today. We become slaves to the tyranny of the urgent (some genius that isn’t me came up with this phrase), and forget how important our decisions are. We matter, our thoughts, words, and actions matter, and that means our perspective matters. Our perspective keeps our attention in one place in spite of what goes on around us, and if we can keep it on Christ, eternity, His Kingdom and His Righteousness, on relationships and Who God is, all meaning changes. 

In Christ, each person matters. Every interaction is an opportunity to encourage, heal, and bless instead of an interruption of my plans, an inconvenient, irritating requirement to get what I want and move on. Time in line is time to slow down and think; getting sick is time to refocus and learn to receive help, a time to learn thankfulness and graciousness. Limits become opportunities for spiritual growth instead of oppressive restrictions to getting more done. In Christ, tasks are just as important as our reason for doing them because our character is what’s at stake.

“If Satan can’t keep you from God, he’ll keep you busy.” (Again, another genius that isn’t me.) Satan knows we lose track of the truth when we are focused right in front of our selves, so he makes “more” look attractive, hoping we will try to fit the modern mold of too busy, stressed, always on the move, multitasking, and never really engaging face-to-face. That lifestyle and perspective isn’t God’s idea. We remember this when we get away, especially in a lonely, wild place, and that’s why those places are so rare in the urban middle class technology-driven lifestyle. No, subdivision developers aren’t demons in disguise, but God didn’t intend life to be convenient, stressed, and so fast. “Taste and see that the Lord is good,” He says. That requires time, focus, and going slowly.

We can’t afford to keep going so fast; we’ll crash. Guaranteed. That’s where we turn to medications and such to keep us going in spite of God’s warnings to just stop for bit.

Make room to listen, to slow down, to sit, to think, to listen…Life always makes more sense after I get away…with God.

Posted in Living | Leave a comment

Mr. Cellophane

Ben Vereen did a song-and-dance on The Muppet Show years ago, called “Mr. Cellophane”, which described a man who was never noticed, always ignored and seen through, like a transparent piece of plastic wrap.

I have heard from several Christian sources the idea that as we walk closer with Jesus, we become invisible; we disappear and fade into the background. Now, in one sense, the sinful self inside of us should be shrinking daily, as we put self to death and take up our cross with Christ. Also, as Christ becomes more important to us, as we surrender more to Him, our life reflects Him to the extent that we want what He wants, do what He did, and like what He likes. He shines through us in that our lives would not be what they are apart from Him. And we should not be seeking attention for ourselves, to pride ourselves, or to glorify ourselves. That is sinful, and no one admires it. In all these ways, Christians should be deferring to the Lordship of Christ; our self should “disappear” next to Him.

However, the idea that good Christians should be like good umpires (never noticed because we never call attention to things and never interrupt the flow of life for others) is preposterous. Lemme ’splain.  Christ constantly interrupted the flow of life and thought for everyone He met. Our lives should be so noticeably different from the world that we attract great attention, scrutiny, persecution, admiration, and confusion. We should be the example of unwavering faith that keeps the atheist awake at night, the undeserved kindness that thaws the militant pagan, the joyful courage that makes the insecure believe in hope, and the one problem that thwarts the plans of the wicked. Christians should be the most difficult, undeniable, confusing, inspiring, and frustrating issue on the mind of the world at any given time, just like our Master was when He walked among us.

Creation screams the glory of God; every sunset, leaf, bacteria, and galaxy reflects His nature in many ways. My world of influence should reflect God the same way: all success, confidence, and joy should be unexplainable apart from His presence in my life. Cellophane? Please…more like dynamite and a beautiful woman and the smell of homemade food and a fast car revving its engine all at the same time. We should be hard to miss, like salt and light in a tasteless darkened world, a city on a hill. Didn’t Somebody already say that? We haven’t been treating Him like…cellophane, have we?

Posted in Living | 5 Comments

Prison fail

I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “Free” from his album, Signs of Life, and it struck me that prisons hinder criminals’ exposure to positive influences. Sounds like a “duh” kind of thought, but lemme ‘splain.

First, to clarify, a jail (gaol for the old English) is for temporary storage of accused awaiting trial, bail, or claim by parents. I have no problem with this; it seems necessary to any kind of justice system, and I see no Biblical admonition against it. Prison, however, is a place to live out an extended sentence after a trial and conviction, and it immerses criminals in a predominantly criminal culture. How do we expect any of them to want to live differently, or try to live differently if they spend decades learning to survive among lawless, ruthless, truthless peers? It’s the same problem we see in junior high school, only with more lethal experience behind the motives.

Now, my problem with this concept is that it doesn’t help the criminal, and it drains resources away from the society it is supposed to help. Prison keeps the convicted from interacting with the rest of us, but I don’t think that’s the best way to solve either problem. For one thing, God’s plan for Israel (see Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy in the Old Testament) had no such concept. God’s idea was to impose physical punishment immediately upon conviction, and then it was all done. No prison, no life sentence, no death row, no community resources used to maintain the life of an unrepentant rule-breaker. No fears of the convicted breaking out, no prison riots, no prison culture, and no prison facilities.

The flipside of this system is that the death penalty was used for many more crimes than our system, and therefore acted as a deterrent in many more instances, decreasing the motivation for violent crime considerably. Those who lived after receiving punishment by the law were easier to accept back into the community because they hadn’t been convicted of something heinous (they’d be dead if they had) and their punishment was a highly visible matter of public memory. No one had any reason to hold their crime against them any more, and if the criminal was ever tempted to break the rules again, they had their physical pain to remind them of what happened the last time. Psychologically and societally, this system has much to offer both the criminal who wants to change and the criminal who doesn’t, which has a direct benefit to the community, as well.

If such a system were instituted, I’m sure lawyers would still have a place, appeals would still tie up the courts, and we would all make jokes about the ridiculous aspects that run counter to real justice. But it would be a grand improvement in many ways: more efficient, swifter, cheaper, easier to operate, and more opportunities for law-breakers to be influenced by law-keepers and the right lifestyle. I’m not running for any office associated with our justice system, but if I were…

Posted in Living | Leave a comment

WANT WOOMMAANN!

NEED FEMALE, GOD. LIKE PRETTY, ALSO HUNGRY AND CLOTHES NEED MENDING.

WHAT TO OFFER HER? AM STRONG, HANDSOME, SMART, GOT SKILLS…

CLEAN? WHY? WHAT WRONG WITH DIRT? ADD FLAVOR.

WHY USE QUIET VOICE? LIVE OUTSIDE, YELL, THROW, PLAY IN MUD…

Okay, if I hafta. Now what about a girl, God? I want some food, I mean someone to appreciate me for who I am and always respect…

Huh? Love? It means you get excited when you’re together, right?

More? There’s more? Cool! Tell me about it, God.

Work? I already work, 40+ hrs a week. She can’t expect more than that.

In the home? Isn’t that her job? Why does she need my help?

I’ll need her help? With what?

Making decisions? I can make all the decisions without her input; I’m a man, aren’t I?

Me? Do something stupid? Please! It’s under control.

Spend my money? And she’ll want me to spend less? Well, that’s hardly fair…

Children? Sure, I’ll play with them and buy toys for them; they have such cool toys now, like the…

Discipline them? That’s no fun. I’ll let her do that. No, I don’t do diapers; they stink.

What? I do not smell just as strongly. I do shower…sometimes.

I have to watch my words, too? Aw, @#%&*…or is that one I have to give up?

Whaddya mean, more? Kind words? Like when I want something?

Wait, what? Kind words when I don’t want something? What’s the point of that?

Let her decorate? Sure, just leave my cave alone and don’t interrupt my tv time.

Turn it off and talk? You’re nuts. She won’t talk about sports with the tv on, much less…

Oh, You meant talk with her about other things…like our relationship? Our feelings? Really? You would do that to me, after all I’ve done for You and all we’ve been through together?

Good for me? To talk about feelings? And be gentle? And clean up? Aw, @#%&*…but there’s sex, right?

After I clean up? And after I talk about feelings? And after I change the diapers? After a long series of good decisions? And before I watch the tv? Whose side are You on? I just wanted a pretty…

She’ll get ugly? In several ways? She’ll grow old? Her shape will change? Well that’s just great; a lot that will do for my image, her being ugly next to handsome me…

She’ll think I’m handsome when I’m not? When won’t I be handsome?

She’ll believe in me when I feel alone? What are you talking about?

Wait, she won’t always mean what she says? How am I supposed to know the difference? How are we supposed to communicate? This is nothing like I asked for, God. It makes me want to go back to being alone, loud and free in the dirt.

It’s not good for me to be alone? Well, I am kinda hungry…

Share my food? Are you crazy? Give her the last one? Go on a diet with her? Watch what I eat? You’re killing me here, God.

That’s the idea? But I thought I was good the way I was…

 

Posted in Laughing, Loving | Leave a comment